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3rd prize - 2010

Photograph of Niki Portus

Niki Portus writes random scribblings of poetry and song, usually when stressed but sometimes out of vitriolic spite, invariably behind closed doors never to see the light of day. However she is well excited to have come third having last been published at the tender age of 8 and now aged 34 and a bit...
Ode to the Dubious Parent by Niki Portus

The teachers called me in today,
To explain that my son had misbehaved,
And had been teaching a younger child rude words and how to google naked ladies.
Spelt N-E-K-K-E-D L-E-D-E-S
- Oh, i said, quite concerned but more so
by the fact that my son's spelling was so atrocious.
- And what was the other word?
I enquired somewhat reserved,
- Fanny rash
- Oh, i said, innocently, well it couldn't possibly be from me.
But that i would ban the computer for a month, and chocolate biscuits from his lunch.
And so the mother in question rounded on me at the school gates,
You know the sort, 4x4 and afterschool clubs galore,
Son slightly overweight, pouting lower lip and a bit of a thug.
But i took the tirade and bore the brunt,
whilst smiling sweetly and looking concerned.
- Oh, but you see it couldn't possibly come from me,
- In our house we use the word c––t.

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